Words have power. The words of a parent hold a special place in a child’s life. Children remember and reflect on what their parents say. Your child will keep hearing some of the things you say over and over again in their minds for the rest of their lives.

Here are five things parents should never say to their children:

1. You’re okay. If your child is hurt or crying this confuses them. They know the reality they are experiencing, and you are essentially saying, what you are experiencing is not reality.

2. We will never be able to afford that. This makes it sounds like your personal finances are outside your control and always will be. Explain that your financial priorities are for other things right now.

3. You need to grow up. The job of a child is to be a child. They will grow up fast enough, and the world will push them to grow up faster than is healthy. Don’t rush the process. Let them enjoy being a child with all the joy and frustration that will bring you.

4. Hurry up. This creates stress and anxiety in children. Find a way to make it a game so they get faster at whatever it is you are trying to accomplish.

5. Everything will be okay. Every situation in life doesn’t have a happy ending. We all experience disappointments and setbacks. Our role as parents is to prepare our children for all of life, and that includes when things don’t turn out the way we would like.

What children do and say is interesting, why they do and say what they do is fascinating. Look beyond the what to the why.

These lists are supposed to be fun and helpful, but not definitive. More important than these actual examples are the reasons behind them, which can apply to many situations each day. This list is designed to engage us as parents and get us thinking. This moves us from unconscious parenting to intentional parenting.

Matthew Kelly

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